Arms Race
by Red Wolf
Summary: Rin and O'aka are at it again!!


1 ARMS RACE  
  
By: Red Wolf  
  
The only real reason I am writing this fic is for pain and pleasure. The pain it will cause my friends will give me pleasure. You see they love Rin and hate O'aka, so just to piss them off I am writing a fic in witch O'aka comes out the victor over Rin. Thanks to Kelsey Martin for letting me use da Pipe. This story is in no way related to the adventures of Rin she writes about. So without further ado I give you ARMS RACE.  
  
  
  
It was a day just like any other day as O'aka went strolling through the Calm Lands; he had run out of food so he was munching on a phoenix down. The sun was shining, the grass was green, and in the distance he could here the chocobo song. Damn that is so annoying after training with the trainer for all those many days!  
  
What a fine day, now if only I could find some moron to buy my overpriced goods I'd be set.  
  
O'aka then notice a shape of what he perceived as one such moron. "Hey you over there", he said in his annoying accent," Why don't you come and buy some of the finest goods in here parts."  
  
A familiar voice answered back sending a tremor of hate down O'aka's spine. "That sir is a falsehood," said the moron…errr I mean man. "Everyone knows that the Al Behd trader Rin has the greatest wares at any point on the map. That sir, is why I have a shop and YOU sell out of a knapsack you found at Goodwill." It was Rin the Al Behd merchant. He was taking stock of the barrels in his shop when he saw what looked like some ignoramus he could swindle into buying overpriced, poor quality goods from his shack of an emporium.  
  
"Listen here smart-ass, I'll have you know that I sell only the finest goods at the lowest prices." O'aka snarled.  
  
"Not so knave," Rin retorted, "It is I who have the lowest goods at the finest prices."  
  
"What the hell did you just say?"  
  
"Sorry I have a bit of dyslexia, I misread the cue card"  
  
"You tit"  
  
"At any rate," said Rin, "I sell the finest arms and armor in the world."  
  
"Not so, not so, not so," howled O'aka, "I do that, me, me, me."  
  
At this point the crazy old man who trained the monsters came riding up on his roster dragon living statue, or what ever the hell it was. "Your both wrong he said with a sly smile, "The best arms are over there by the edge of the gorge. Don't believe me? Take a look through my binoculars."  
  
As they struggled to look trough the binoculars they broke it in two. Each taking a side they looked and sure enough, there by the edge of the gorge lay a pile of perfect arms. Not only were they perfect arms, but they had perfect hand and perfect fingers as well.  
  
"I claim those arms in the name of the O'aka Empire."  
  
"I claim those arms in the name of the Al Behd Emporium."  
  
The two merchents had yelled out at the same time. They turned to each other at a loss of what to do. "Why don't you have a race to determine who gets the arms," said the old man.  
  
"Great idea," exclaimed O'aka, "I may be overweight but I'm a lot more agile and fast than I appear to be and can shirley win!"  
  
Rin just looked at him and laughed.  
  
"Well," said the old man, "Lets get this show on the road."  
  
"Get ready." They got ready.  
  
"Get set." They got set.  
  
"And Go." Rin hit O'aka over the head with a copper (no no sorry) dA COPPER PIPE.  
  
Rin took off, leaving O'aka in the dirt. When he came to his senses he saw that O'aka was almost halfway to the arms. Making his small brain work much to fast for it's own good, O'aka got an idea. He jumped on and mounted the old man.  
  
"Ride like the wind, Pops" he yelled as he hit him with his pack.  
  
The old man ran and soon was catching up to Rin. However he was tiring so O'aka looked in his pack for something to throw at Rin. He pulled out a short length of steel chain. He twirled it around yelling that he had dead people in his pants in Spanish and hurled the chain. The chain wrapped around the legs of Rin making him fall.  
  
O'aka went over to Rin and noticed that he was out cold. Knowing now that he had won he picked up his chain did a victory disco dance then defecated on his nemesis. He then traveled on and gathered up all the arms (It was hard work, for the arms grasped at O'aka's face and genital. He turned back to see Rin rising up from the ground, covered in feces. The chocobo trainer came over to Rin to help him up, but at that moment Rin's head exploded! Apparently Rin had spent more time than O'aka training with that trainer and the music that followed her was so annoying that it caused him to end himself instead of enduring another minit of the music's torture.  
  
This is how O'aka triumphed over Rin, got his arms, and found a weapon, the steel chain, to rival dA mighty COPPER PIPE. 


End file.
